Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to say “No”.
No defensiveness, back tracking, or name calling.
No excuses or apologies.
Just politely, firmly, and determinedly say no.
If you are a people pleaser like me, this is risky beyond comfort. I hate the possibility of making people mad. BUT, I’ve learned, anger only means that she (or he) is afraid. The kind thing is to let her off of the merry-go-round. There is life and eventually, relief, on the other side of no.
They may never come back to say thank you … but trust me, we all breath easier with boundaries.